Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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