some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize