i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
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when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
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There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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