she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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