Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
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i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
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Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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