i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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