this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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