Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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