Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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