Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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