Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I stole a fireplace last night.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize