He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize