how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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