the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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