So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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