I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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