I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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