This is not my ceiling
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize