I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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