if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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