I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize