I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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