and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
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I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
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That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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