based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
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U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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