i just snorted my name. best moment ever
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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