Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
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You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
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My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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