I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize