why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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