i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize