You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize