Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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