i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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