11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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