i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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