last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
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She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
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Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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