You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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