I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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