what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize