Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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