At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize