I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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