So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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