im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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