you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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