She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize