I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
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Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
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There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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