I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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