As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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