The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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