so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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