Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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